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Ravensbloodzero's Journal


Ravensbloodzero's Journal

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17 entries this month
 

I Thought My Demons Were My Friends

23:11 Aug 29 2007
Times Read: 697


Coming Undone - Korn



Keep holding on

When my brain's ticking like a bomb

Guess the black thoughts have come Again to get me

Sweet bitter words

Unlike nothing I have heard

Sing along mocking bird

You don't affect me



That's right

Deliverance of my heart

Please strike

Be deliberate



Wait

I'm coming undone

Irate

I'm coming undone

Too late

I'm coming undone

One looks so strong

So delicate

Wait

I'm starting to suffocate

And soon I anticipate

I'm coming undone

One looks so strong

So delicate



Choke choke again

I thought my demons were my friends

Getting me in the end

They're out to get me

Since I was young

I've tasted sorrow on my tongue

And this sweet sugar gun

Does not protect me



That's right

Trigger between my eyes

Please strike

Make it quick now



Wait

I'm coming undone

Irate

I'm coming undone

Too late

I'm coming undone

One looks so strong

So delicate

Wait

I'm starting to suffocate

And soon I anticipate

I'm coming undone

One looks so strong

So delicate



I'm trying to hold it together

Head is lighter than a feather

Looks like i'm not getting better

Not getting better



Wait

I'm coming undone

Irate

I'm coming undone

Too late

I'm coming undone

One looks so strong

So delicate

Wait

I'm starting to suffocate

And soon I anticipate

I'm coming undone

One looks so strong

So delicate


COMMENTS

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Be Happy, For Me, For You

23:38 Aug 27 2007
Times Read: 699


Letter -From The Lost Days- Silent Hill



A letter to my future self

Am I still happy? I began

Have I grown up pretty?

Is Daddy still a good man?

Am I still friends with Colleen?

I'm sure that I'm still laughing

Aren't I?

Aren't I?



Hey there to my future self

If you forget how to smile

I have this to tell you

Remember it once in a while

Ten years ago your past self

Prayed for your happiness

Please don't lose hope



Oh, oh what a pair, me and you

Put here to feel joy, not be blue

Sad times and bad times, see them through

Soon we will know if it's for real

What we both feel



Though I can't know for sure how things worked out for us

No matter how hard it gets, you have to realize

We weren't put on this earth to suffer and cry

We were made for being happy

So be happy, for me, for you

Please



Oh, oh what a pair, me and you

Put here to feel joy, not be blue

Sad times and bad times, see them through

Soon we will know if it's for real

What we both feel





We were put here on this earth, put here to feel joy

We were put here on this earth, put here to feel joy

We were put here on this earth, put here to feel joy

We were put here on this earth, put here to feel joy

COMMENTS

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It's The Fall From Glory That Makes You Feel Alive

19:10 Aug 26 2007
Times Read: 701


Taste The Poison - Story Of The Year



It's the same old story

I've seen it all too many times

It's the fall from glory

That makes you feel



Place your needle to the record, stab it down

It feels good to be the one to break the skin

So run with me now, look at me now

You're face down, tell yourself you're happy once again

Right now you need this more than anything

But it's never enough, it's never enough for you



And it's the same old story

I've seen it all too many times

It's the fall from glory

That makes you feel alive



And you know the hardest truth can flow like water now

Break down, the moment that it touches your mouth

So place your lips against the bottle, take it down

It feels good to lose control of everything

But I wasn't myself, I wasn't myself she said



And it's the same old story

I've seen it all too many times

It's the fall from glory

That makes you feel alive

And it's the same old story

I've seen it all too many times

But it's not what you wanted

Can anyone feel, can anyone see

Can anyone taste the poison that we need

That we need



Place your needle to the record, stab it down

It feels good to be the one to break the skin

You're face down, this is what you wanted

This is what you wanted, this is what you wanted

And I know, but we've lost control



Here we go



Yeah can anyone feel, can anyone see, yeah

Can anyone taste the poison that we need

Yeah can anyone feel, can anyone see, yeah

Can anyone taste the poison that we need

That we need, that we need, that we need

COMMENTS

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The Anger Runs Down Both Of Her Cheeks

23:29 Aug 25 2007
Times Read: 703


The Way She Feels - Between the Trees

Shes upset

Bad day

Heads for the dresser drawer to

drive her pain away

Nothing good can come of this.

She opens it theres nothing there

is only left over tears

Mom and dad had no right she screams

as the anger runs down both of her cheeks.



Then she closed her eyes

and found relief in a knife

the blood flows as she cries



All alone the way she feels

Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief

Bite the lip just forget the bleeding



Then she closed her eyes

and found relief in a knife

the blood flows as she cries



Then she closed her eyes

and found relief in a knife

the blood flows as she cries



Curled up shes on the floor

relief left her she had hoped for something more

from it

He leans down to comfort her

She is weeping and He

wraps His arms around

and around and around and...

The deeper you cut

the deeper I hurt

The deeper you cut

it only gets worse



Now shes slowly opening...

new eyes...



Then she opened her eyes

and found relief through His life

and put down her knives



Then she opened her life

and found relief through His eyes

and put down

she put down her life

COMMENTS

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The Pain

23:19 Aug 25 2007
Times Read: 704


Oh it aches inside me bones, the pain, the pain, take it away.


COMMENTS

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R To D

22:19 Aug 24 2007
Times Read: 705


I am not a toy. When you break me I'm not so easily mended. I'm thin crystal. I'm brittle metal. I'm fragile porcelain. You can smash me and glue me back together again but the perfection is gone. The cracks will remain. You can hide them by painting over them but paint flakes and the damage underneath will be revealed again. One day you'll break me and I'll stay broken.


COMMENTS

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It's The Same Old Story

22:13 Aug 24 2007
Times Read: 706


And The Hero Will Drown - Story Of The Year



The night will come

and rip away,

her wings of innocence through every word we say

maybe it's time,

to spit out the core

of our rotting union hopefully before it chokes

us to our senses.



Guess it's too bad,

that everything we have

is taken away.



Swim in the smoke

the hero will drown

intoxicating beauty tears everything down

but still our hands

are bound at the wrist

this romantic tragedy is suffocating from your fist,

in a sea of fire.



Guess it's too bad,

that everything we have

is taken away.



Guess it's too bad,

that everything we have

is taken away (taken away)



Hero, Hero, this word you'll never know

Hero, Hero, this word you'll never know

You'll never know



Guess it's too bad

that everything we have

is taken away (taken away)



Guess it's too bad

that everything we have

is taken away (taken away)



Guess it's too bad

that everything we have

is taken away.



Guess it's too bad

that everything we have

is taken away (taken away)



Away, away, away

They're taking it away

Away, away,

They're taking it away

COMMENTS

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7 Days

23:44 Aug 22 2007
Times Read: 712


I'm world-weary and, though I never thought it would be possible, internet-weary. It just doesn't seem worth it at the moment. I went on a deletion kick last night but it was against myself. Ravensbloodzero survived, as did a few others, but Mercy Reynolds, Angel Raines and Lucifernia are gone. I'm giving it a week but if I feel the same in seven days time, Ravensbloodzero will be dead before the end of August.


COMMENTS

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Just My Luck

00:58 Aug 22 2007
Times Read: 714


To be one of those that lost messages. It's been one of those weeks.


COMMENTS

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Baseline

00:39 Aug 20 2007
Times Read: 716


If you don't see me online tomorrow then I'm dead so thanks for everything.


COMMENTS

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All Your Sordid Little Insurrections

00:44 Aug 16 2007
Times Read: 719


Haven't had song lyrics in a while so here you go.



Slipknot - Before I Forget



Go!



Stapled shut, inside and ouside would and I'm

Sealed in tight, bizarre but right at home

Claustrophobic, closing in and I'm

Catostrophic, not again

I'm smeared across the page, and doused in gasoline

I wear you like a stain, yet I'm the one who's obscene

Catch me up on all your sordid little insurrections,

I've got no time to lose, and I'm just caught up in all the cattle



Fray the strings

Throw the sheathes

Hold your breath

And listen!



I am a world before I am a man

I was a creature before I could stand

I will remember before I forget

Before I forget that!



I'm ripped across the ditch, and settled in the dirt and I'm

I wear you like a stitch, yet I'm the one who's hurt

Pay attention to your twisted little indiscrestions

I've got no right to way, I'm just caught up all the battles



Locked in clutch

Pushed in place

Hold your breath

And listen!



I am a world before I am a man

I was a creature before I could stand

I will remember before I forget

Before I forget that!



I am a world before I am a man

I was a creature before I could stand

I will remember before I forget

Before I forget that!



My end

It justifies my means

All I ever do is delay

My every attempt to evade

The end of the road is my end

It justifies my means

All I ever do is delay

My every attempt to evade

The end of the road!



I am a world before I am a man

I was a creature before I could stand

I will remember before I forget

Before I forget that!



I am a world before I am a man

I was a creature before I could stand

I will remember before I forget

Before I forget that!



I am a world before I am a man

I was a creature before I could stand

I will remember before I forget

Before I forget that!



Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh!

COMMENTS

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Oh Fuck It

00:28 Aug 16 2007
Times Read: 720


I'm a lazy bitch, I know. I need to update but I can't be bothered. I keep thinking I'll do it tomorrow but tomorrow never comes. Maybe I'll do it eventually. Probably not until I have to write essays again though.



Anyway, I'm not sure how I'm feeling tonight (other than bloody shattered that is) and I should really go to bed. I'm pleased with myself over some things and yet disgusted with myself over almost the same things. I spent the day with Damien and had fun pushing boundaries. I just hope I didn't disappoint.


COMMENTS

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Jesus Fucking Christ

19:54 Aug 11 2007
Times Read: 725


Blasphemy, blah blah blah. I wish I could drown you all in the alcohol you consume.


COMMENTS

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I Guess That They Sometimes Tell The Truth

21:43 Aug 05 2007
Times Read: 727


They say that it's only when you stop worrying about how you look that you begin to be beautiful.


COMMENTS

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Happy Happy Joy Joy

20:18 Aug 05 2007
Times Read: 731


I'm just back after being out for the most fantastic twenty-four hours. I haven't eaten, have hardly drunk anything ot slept but I'm happy.


COMMENTS

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Girls Behaving Badly… Are You Ready For Another Rant?

14:23 Aug 01 2007
Times Read: 735


I’m a girl, as you should have realised by now. Not only am I female, I am young woman who lives in the Western world. And that means I live a Western lifestyle and am most familiar with Western standards and expectations. In other cultures women hide their bodies and faces, are subservient to men, walk ten paces behind their husbands, stay at home to cook and clean and so on. Men in those cultures may see women as having only one purpose: to give birth to the next generation. But will that generation be different to the existing one? Will women become equals? Will men accept that women have more to offer than their wombs? That’s life in other countries, but that is not life here.



Yes I think that some girls take the idea of minimal clothing in public too far but how do we know that’s not just for show. Maybe she’s twenty-six, wearing almost nothing and all over a guy in a nightclub. She could still be a virgin. She could be waiting for the right guy to come along and having some fun in the meantime. On the other hand, maybe she was a teenage mother enjoying a night out. Or she could be dancing with a man she’s been dating for eight years. You cannot tell, by looking at someone for thirty seconds, who they are and where they’ve come from. You cannot understand what’s going on in someone’s head if you’ve just met them.



If you went out with me this weekend you would see me up dancing to industrial music. From that image, would you guess I was a horse rider? If you met me at the stables, would you image my favourite top to be a corset? I doubt it. People judge from appearances but their judgement is influenced by their own upbringing. In the Western world we may find different ideas to be ridiculously old-fashioned. But maybe someone from one of those cultures would look at me and call me, even in my baggy clothes, a slut.



But what is a slut? A derogatory term, yes, but there’s more to it than that. They say that a slut is a woman with the moral standards of a man. I believe that is based upon the idea that men want sex more often than women. But do they? Maybe one guy isn’t really bothered about how often he has intercourse and maybe one woman is a complete nymphomaniac. There are exceptions to every rule.



An online dictionary gives the following as a definition:

Slut (noun)

1. a dirty, slovenly woman.

2. an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute.




Slovenly, if you’re unsure, can be defined as untidy or unclean in appearance or habits.



Now let us consider this. Point one, taken literally, could be you going outside to get the milk first thing in the morning in your dressing gown. It could be you after you’ve gone caving or mountain biking. It could be you having a cigarette since that’s often classed as an unclean habit. Would you call a smoker a slut if you met them on the street? Or yell across to your neighbour that she’s a slut for not getting dressed up and putting on her make-up before grabbing the milk for a cup of tea. I doubt it. Although, we should have a look at make-up and clothing in a minute but let’s finish this first.



Point two probably creates a modern image of a slut. I’m sure you can see them in your head. Too much make-up. Skirts almost short enough to be belts. Tops that look like they she be in the children’s section of Glitterworld, which, I must add, is a shop that I just made up. High-heeled shoes that they can barely walk in. And then there are the women of the night. But how many prostitutes do you think woke up one morning and decided it would be fun to have sex with strangers for money? Oh sure, maybe it sounds a little bit glamorous and exciting when phrased that way but the reality of it is that most only go into the business in an attempt to make enough money to survive. Some are even forced into it by other people.



There are women out there selling their own bodies, the only thing they have to offer, just to feed their own families. Maybe things are better now than in, say the nineteenth century when Jack The Ripper was terrorising London, but prostitutes are still killed. They still get forced to do things they don’t want to. They can still be raped. Do you think they’re enjoying themselves when they’re on their fourth man of the day and they’ve lost count of how many guys they’ve had sex with? Do you think there’s any pleasure in it for them? And yet people still say that they wouldn’t be there if they didn’t want to be. If you’re a runaway from a rich family you have somewhere to go back to but what if you grew up with nothing, lost your family and ended up with nothing? What would you do to be able to eat everyday? How far would you go?



Someone, who is about to be deleted from my friends list, claims that all Western women are sluts and prostitutes and that we sleep with, on average, one hundred men by the time we reach our thirtieth birthdays. That’s an average which would mean that there would have to be women out there sleeping with many more men than that. Personally, I cannot see these figures being accurate. He is one of the men that view us as baby factories and claims men could never love us for our minds because he believes we are stupid. I’m currently at university and, though I’m not saying I’m a genius, there must be more to me than what’s between my legs.



Yes, we Western women aren’t above using our female wiles to get our way. Are there many among us who haven’t, at one time or another, used high heels, corsets, handcuffs, our legs and cleavage, or whatever is your method of choice to manipulate a guy? It’s not right and not fair to them but they’re not above using such techniques with us either. Need an example? How’s answering the door shirtless? Or casually brushing against you when there was plenty of room to move past you without doing so?



Is it so wrong for us to find happiness without being married? And look at how many marriages fail. Surely people, men and women alike, should be allowed to find happiness wherever it lurks, be it in same-sex relationships, opposite sex relationships or even just on a night out with friends. Don’t forget, humans are inherently sexual beings but sometimes it’s not about sex. Sometimes it’s about power and that’s how rape happens. And that’s not restricted to the Western world. It can happen anywhere. It can even be someone you trust.



I’m going to stop ranting now but, before I go, here’s something for you to use to test your puzzle solving skills. Men and women, here’s a riddle for you:



I came forth as one of three, but out of the seven you only see me. What am I?


COMMENTS

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Slacker

14:09 Aug 01 2007
Times Read: 736


It's August. I haven't finished doing my updates. I haven't posted news about my life properly in weeks. I will. Eventually.


COMMENTS

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